


More Than a Memory

by Poppyville



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving Dean Winchester, M/M, Non-Binary Castiel (Supernatural), One Shot, Soliloquy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29133849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poppyville/pseuds/Poppyville
Summary: thank you Gabriel for beta'ing this and making it more coherent.This was originally for a short story for english, but my english teacher does not watch supernatural so she didn't get it...
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	More Than a Memory

**Author's Note:**

> thank you Gabriel for beta'ing this and making it more coherent.
> 
> This was originally for a short story for english, but my english teacher does not watch supernatural so she didn't get it...

“The thing is, bees shouldn’t be able to fly because of the size of their wings. The wings are too small to get their fat little bodies off the ground!” Jack said excitedly over the phone. The teenager had taken a recent special interest in bees. It always made Jack’s day to tell Dean everything he knew about bees.

“Wait, what? How does that even work?” he asked. 

“The bee flies anyway because bees don’t care what humans think are impossible,” Jack explained. 

“Where have I heard that from?” he wondered out loud, putting his car into park as he arrived at his destination. “ I uh- I gotta go, ok Jack? I’ll call you back later and you can tell me all you want about bees, ok?” 

“Ok, bye,” Jack hummed cheerfully. 

He hung up the phone and shoved it into his jeans’ front pocket, along with the keys to the car. Opening the door, he stepped out. The sun hid behind the clouds, fighting to shine through. 

He walked forward, his stomach twisting into knots. His eyes blurred slightly, fighting tears back. Nervously, he switched the bouquet of flowers from hand to hand. It was made up of black roses and forget-me-nots. His jeans were splattered with grease and oil stains from his mechanic shop, and a green and blue flannel shielded him from the slight breeze. 

The man stood at the grave. A headstone sat at the top: short and a pale gray. The corners of the rectangle were rounded off, forming an arch at the top. Not much was written, just ‘Cas. November 5th, 2020’. Cas’ body was not able to be recovered after Cas had saved him from the fire.

A tear escaped his eye, gliding down his cheek and dripping onto the dirt. 

“I uh, I don’t know if you liked flowers or not. I never had the chance to ask. I didn’t have the chance for a lot of things…” he trailed off with a slight crack in his voice. 

A small chuckle escaped as the weight of what had happened weighed on him like a ton of bricks. With a whimper, he felt like he needed to go on, always the strong one. Shaking his head in slight disbelief, with a hint of wanting to believe that this was happening, that he was so close to having what he wanted only to have it ripped away, he continued.

“...I’m sorry. I should have said something sooner. I had a lot of chances but I didn’t take any of them. I should have said it sooner, I forgive you, of course I forgive you. You saw me in a way nobody else did. You are-“ he stopped and corrected himself, “- you were my best friend. You saved me. Cas, you were my everything. I was scared and I didn’t know what to do.” 

Tears continued to build up in his eyes. He swallowed back the lump in his throat and sniffled. 

“I was scared of everything. I was scared of you leaving, I was scared of dad, I was scared of it all.” he drew in a shaky breath.

“You were my everything...” he trailed off.

He choked back a sob and fell to his knees.

“I love you,” he whispered 

He placed the flowers in front of the headstone and wiped his eyes with his shirt sleeve. It was Cas’ favorite flannel, the colors brought out his eyes well. He sat there on his feet in silence, his knees digging into the soft dirt as he sobbed. The emotional walls inside breaking leaving him vulnerable despite how alone he was. 

He thought about everything that went unspoken between him and Cas. The longing stares, the lingering touches. All the moments he had with them. The fights, the yelling. Every time Cas left. The laughs, his stupid jokes, and pop culture references. The moments at death's door, Cas slowly bleeding from a stab wound, no idea if Cas will survive, or if the ambulance will get there in time. By some miracle, it did, like they had an angel watching over them. The gifts. The mixtape. His ‘Top 13 Zeppelin Traxxs’.  
The future they could have had together. Waking up to Cas’ ocean blue eyes, their messy black hair. Making breakfast together, pancakes on the stove, coffee in mugs with dad jokes on them. Proposing, getting married. 

The tattoo of Cas’ handprint ached on his right shoulder like it was a piece of Cas. Like a piece of Cas’ soul was a part of him now.

He wiped his eyes one last time, stood up, dusted the dirt off of his pants, and walked back to his car. Sitting himself in the driver's seat, his hiccuping breath the only thing breaking the silence. In his pocket, his phone buzzed. It stayed ringing, ignored. Probably Sam, or maybe Jack. He didn’t care to check, not right now.


End file.
